From Business Insider: 11 Things you'll regret in your 30s

What better way to learn than from those who have been there and done that? A Reddit thread recently had people chiming in on things they regret doing (or not doing) in their 30s. Whether you are about to embark on the exciting journey of your 30s or nearing the tail end, learn from those in the know.

1. The shoulds
You'll feel societal pressures in your 30s more than ever before, but don't let the shoulds hold it back. You may constantly worry about how you should own a home, you should have kids, you should be married, or you should have a steady career. Drop all those expectations, and live life the way that makes you the happiest. Don't feel like a failure just because your life happens to deviate from the norm — you've got one life to live, so live it your way.

2. Not spending time with parents
One common regret that many people in their 30s have is not spending time with their parents while they are young enough to actively participate. Simple pleasures like taking a walk, traveling, or even having a conversation may be harder to come by once your parents age.

3. Putting work first
Something to keep in your mind in your 30s: if you put work first, you're going to regret it. Spend time with people you love, because those are precious moments that money and moving up the ladder can't beat.

4. Spending time on negativity
And you thought those negative people would disappear from your life in your 30s. Nope, there may be some hanging around, so don't waste time on them. Watch out for people who don't make you feel good about yourself, and reevaluate your relationships with them. Be careful of spending time on negative thoughts and issues that you have no control over. Just. Let. It. Go.

5. Thinking your 30s was old
"I'm too old for this!" may be a common phrase you use in your 30s. You know what? You're not. And I bet people in their 50s and 60s will agree. The world was your oyster in your 20s, and it still is. Take a chance, live, and enjoy life as the young'un you are, and never lose that child in you.

6. Not putting yourself first
Maybe you're putting everyone else first in your life but you. Snap out of it! Know that once you put yourself first, everything else can fall into place. Putting your needs first will make you a happy camper, which will result in better relationships — a win-win. When you take care of yourself, you'll have fewer regrets in your 30s. The partner your life revolved around? You probably won't regret that as much if you had focused on your needs and chased your dreams as well.

7. Not taking better care of your body
It's quite the paradox — you say you're too old for something, and yet you still keep the junk-food-fueled and antiexercise habits of the younger you. Those habits are harder to drop, but treat your body right early, or it'll catch up with you before you know it.

8. Not taking chances
Maybe you're overly cautious at this age and perhaps it's the shoulds we mentioned earlier that are holding you back. Don't play it safe, and live a little.

9. Not saving and investing enough
This seems to be a huge, huge regret that a lot of 30-year-olds carry. If you start saving earlier, you'll be reaping bigger rewards by the time you retire. And if you don't put off saving and investing in your 30s, you'll be more likely to retire at the age you want.

10. Not traveling enough
The world is at your fingertips, so take off on a travel adventure! Don't keep procrastinating and putting this off — it'll be harder to make time for travel as you get older. Get inspired by this list of the 10 most beautiful travel adventures.

11. Caring too much about what others think
It seems we're guilty of this at every age. Don't waste more time on this useless habit in your 30s. Stop investing time and energy into caring about what people who don't care about you think. The ones who do care for you will accept you as you are.

Just a quick update from The20Project....  we are in the middle of the 2nd round of edits and the landscape keeps changing!   I have had people drop out and interestingly enough an expression of interest for another contributor.   

This was never going to be an easy project.  But I am looking forward to the first draft  :)
Keep going!!!

This post was suggested by one of our contributors Sebastien Lacour! 
Post Link (from Linkedin, April 7th 2014)

"I recently met with a capable and driven executive and asked him, “How are you?” He gave me a rapid-fire answer of all of the things he was doing: travelling, business updates, career changes and his children’s innumerable activities. It sounded like an intense but satisfying life.

Then I asked him again, “How are you really?” And the moment I did, he became emotional and the reality of his life just flooded out of him: his stress, his frustration of trying to juggle it all, his sense that he had no time to really think, or play with his children or enjoy any of it. The (cute) summary is this: his schedule was always filled but his life wasn’t fulfilled. What is less cute is the idea that he, and many of us, have been sold a bill of goods.

We’ve been sold on a heroic ideal of the uber-man and super-women who kill themselves saying yes to everyone, sleeping four hours a night and straining to fit everything in. How often have you heard people say, “I am so busy right now!” But it almost seemed like a back-door brag.

But it’s a bogus badge of honor. It suffocates our ability to think and create. It holds otherwise hard working, capable people back from our highest contribution. Below are a few of the myths of success that hold us back from becoming very successful.

Myth 1: Successful people say, "If I can fit it in, I should fit it in."

Truth: Very successful people are absurdly selective.

As Warren Buffet is credited with having said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.”

As I wrote in a piece for Harvard Business Review, this means, "Not just haphazardly saying no, but purposefully, deliberately, and strategically eliminating the nonessentials. Not just once a year as part of a planning meeting, but constantly reducing, focusing and simplifying. Not just getting rid of the obvious time wasters, but being willing to cut out really terrific opportunities as well. Few appear to have the courage to live this principle, which may be why it differentiates successful people and organizations from the very successful ones."

Myth 2: Successful people sleep four hours a night.

Truth: Very successful people rest well so they can be at peak performance.

In K. Anders Ericsson's famous study of violinists, popularized by Malcolm Gladwell as the "10,000 hour rule," Anders found that the best violinists spent more time practicing than the merely good students. What is less well known is that the second most important factor differentiating the best violinists from the good ones was actually sleep. The best violinists averaged 8.6 hours of sleep in every 24 hour period.

Myth 3: Successful people think play is a waste of time.

Truth: Very successful people see play as essential for creativity.

Just think of Sir Ken Robinson, who has made the study of creativity in school's his life's work. He has observed that instead of fueling creativity through play, schools actually kill it: "We have sold ourselves into a fast-food model of education, and it's impoverishing our spirit and our energies as much as fast food is depleting our physical bodies. Imagination is the source of every form of human achievement."

Myth 4: Successful people are the first ones to jump in with an answer.

Truth: Very successful people are powerful listeners.

As the saying goes, the people who talk the most don't always have the most to say. Powerful listeners get to the real story. They find the signal in the sound. They listen to what is not being said.

Myth 5: Successful people focus on what the competition is doing.

Truth: Very successful people focus on what they can do better.

The "winningest coach in America" is Larry Gelwix, the former Head of the Highland High School rugby team. His team won 418 games with only 10 losses in over 36 years. One of the key questions he challenged his players to ask was “What’s important now?" He didn't want his players getting distracted with what the other team was doing. He wanted them to play their own game.


Last week I took a tour of the Kennedy Presidential Library in Boston, Massachusetts. One of the quotes there grabbed my attention. John F. Kennedy said, "The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."

The myth here is celebrated in modern culture: it’s someone who is capable, driven and wants to win and be popular. They have been rewarded for their willingness to take it all on, fit it all in and just make it happen. They believe doing more is better than doing less. I call this type of person a Nonessentialist.

Still, there is a new hero in our story. She asks, “What is essential?” and is willing to eliminate everything else. He says no to the less important activities so they can give themselves fully to the few things that really matter. It is a path that takes courage. It may require making the tradeoff between short-term popularity and long-term respect. It leads to a greater sense of control and even joy. But as an added benefit it also seems to be the thing that distinguishes the successful from the very successful."

When I started this little project I thought that it would be an easy thing to do.  People would be able to do some reflecting and writing a few pages shouldn't be a problem....  (I was so idealistic back then!)

Fast forward 3 months, I hosted 2 Webex calls where only a handful of people showed up, I had 5 people drop out of the project completely and due to a variety of other reasons I am still waiting on a few submissions. 

So, how do you get people to commit?  This was a self-selecting project where I put an idea out there and people self-selected to be a part of the project.    I am not sure that there is anything else that I could have done.   I just think that in a world of competing priorities The20Project fell off the list. 

So next time I put a project together like this maybe I should put some more structure around things?  Get people to sign a contract that outlines their responsibilities and also commit to attend conference calls?    Or maybe it is better this way.  I ended up with submissions from people who really wanted to be part of the project! 

Maybe this is how it is meant to be and the consultant in me is over analyzing things again  ;)